Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
