Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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