He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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