I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
