I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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