i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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