you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
