I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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