You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
