david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize