thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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