ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
