i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
