She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
