Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
