covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Randomize
