we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
