another moral hangover. fuck.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
