I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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