Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
