i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
