The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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