Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
