i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
