alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
