He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize