if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
