i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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