we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
