this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
