So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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