you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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