He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
