heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
