I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize