do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You need a sexual gate keeper
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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