hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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