He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
