I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
