I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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