You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize