I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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