Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
