Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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