the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
