I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
