dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
