I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
