apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
