I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
vagina is talking i cant
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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