I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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