I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
