I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
