I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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