he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
