It's like God shit irony all over that family
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
