Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
