How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
