I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
