The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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