how can u be prego again
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize