Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
