I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
