the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
