sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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