So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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