I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
