Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I know her cup size but not her name....
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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