I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
My penis needs a shock collar
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