But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
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