he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
