I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
