I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
