I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
