so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Randomize
