i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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