I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Acid is not a monday night drug
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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