Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
