im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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