That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
