Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
