I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
