I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
