Who did Billy Mays play for?
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
