it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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