This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
my liver is dry heaving
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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