she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
