Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I can't turn off my feet"
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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