Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
