Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
