i barfeds in our rink
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
