I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
