Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
