What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
