sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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