if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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