Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
COCAINE IS GR8
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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