youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
