Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
