Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
