i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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