Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
