he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
