So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
