Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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