quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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